Topic: Has anyone noticed a mechanical sort of reasoning in sexual attraction?

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

Has anyone noticed a mechanical sort of reasoning in sexual attraction?
16.05.2013 by elvis92

I often find that I notice my own particular variations of sexual attraction and then consider the biological reasons for such impulses. Does anyone else ever experience this? It is reassuring on the one hand, but disturbing on the other hand in that most people don't concern themselves with that level of analysis.

re
13.06.2013 by wildtalents

re Has anyone noticed a mechanical sort of reasoning in sexual attraction?

Not totally sure I understood your point but I can sometimes find myself drawn to someone but not doing something about it and either "forgetting" it, or trying to rationalise it in the kind of way you've mentioned (eg it's the Spring, the sap is rising, people wear fewer clothes). Whether that's just a tactic for pushing the feeling away, or my conscious mind over-ruling biological impulses is hard to say though in my own case I tend to think it's because I believe in fidelity to my spouse and because of a certain amount of social conditioning.

mechanical reasoning / sexual attraction / elvis92
22.06.2013 by pmview

The extent of my emotional blindness has limited my capacity to connect with others; this has been a very long term struggle in my 35 yrs of marriage as my essential desire for sexual intimacy is fraught with negative, out-of-sync internalizations where I become exhausted in experiencing relational discord which results in my sexual desire, attraction and ability to express my wants/needs are submerged in a vast sea of numbness (just to opposite for arousal to take shape between partners!). It's is my perplexing experience that I need to mentally build a car in order to cross the street 'named' desire.

relationships... or lack theof
16.12.2013 by sess

I'm 22 and female and I've been close to having a relationship a few times, but not many. I tend to find that I may be initially attracted to someone and then want to sleep with them or whatever. But, as soon as we get close or they express any desire to be with me too I freak out and run a mile. I've been told I am an extreme commitaphobe. And, although that is probably true, I think there is more to it. I tend to overthink the expected course of the potential 'relationship' in my head. I foresee problems, where we wouldn't connect, what we would connect with, how we would get along day-to-day, what I think the person wants out of it, etc. (I'm pretty good at summing people up fairly quickly. A few times I have pointed out character traits or likely patterns of behavior in a very new person to the people around me who will tell me I'm being silly and then, months later, realise that I was right and react to that person much more than I initially did.) Anyway, I always see us not being perfect and this stops me from liking that person in any sort of emotional or deeper level. At first, I try to make myself like them, then realise that that is just not going to happen and by that time it is a bit too late and it gets messy to cut off. There was one guy that, after analyzing it in my head, I realized we actually could work and told him that I liked him. That was a couple of months of so after he expressed interest in me and we had slept together. By that time it was too late. We had sex and then a couple of days later went off with someone else at a small party at his house. His housemate asked me that night, "doesn't that bother you?" I just replied that, "that's the way it is, I'm not going to get upset because he doesn't like me" Needless to say, she didn't get it at all. That I wasn't upset that he was being a bit of a jerk. I thought about it since but don't feel anything for it.

Lack of Sexual Attraction
23.01.2014 by Fox

I am asexual, so I've never felt any sort of sexual attraction toward anyone before. I don't even understand sex, it just seems... pointless, I guess, to me. Much like sess said, I've hardly been in a relationship before, and when the person(s) I've connected with starts to show more serious feelings I tend to just drop the relationship because I don't know what to do about the feelings the other person has. When asked about my Sexual Attractions I just don't understand, because I don't even know what wanting sex is suppose to feel like.

Can't let myself go
27.01.2014 by RottenHeresy

I often find myself thinking at the levels when having sex. I mean, now he's gonna do this, then it comes that...it's horrible. And I never let myself go, and that's probably why I never experienced an orgasm with my parthner. I just can't let go.

Completely agree
29.03.2014 by ttme123

I agree with OP, and not just with sexual desire. I analyze every action, "I'll get this person a birthday gift so that they'll stay friends with me so that I can benefit in whatever way" "I'll act angry so that this person believes I'm passionate about this and be more likely to agree with me."

I even have social anxiety even though I don't get embarrassed, when I do something dumb (tell a waiter "you too" when they say have a good meal) I "freak out" not because I'm embarrassed but because I realize the consequences are not in my favor. In fact, I don't even blush unless it will benefit me.

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