Thema: acting

I thought that I was just imagining things for years, because no one around me thought I was mentally incapacitated. I can laugh, smile, cry, but that does not mean anything--- I cannot feel what prompts those reactions. But those reactions are the reasons nobody looks further.

that is exactly how it is with me... no one even tries to see whether or not the emotions are real
or if they are fake. It is kind of disturbing how people will just take anything at face value!
Does that make sense to anyone else or is this just me as well?

So it bothers you that no one probes further into how you're feeling (or not feeling)? Perhaps you have become that good at "faking" your emotions. No one knows what is going on in each others heads and it's not always appropriate to pry; you would have to voice those concerns to others or they will never know, or perhaps they notice subtle problems and need confirmation from you to sort out their own feelings. This goes for everyone, not just alexithymics, someone who feels emotions might show an outwardly happy appearance, but are actually extremely angry and no one will be none the wiser. Just some suggestions.

I agree with Skippy! It's so easy faking you're emotions that I'm surprised no one notices or thinks twice about it. But... I read stories but as the author describes the feelings of they're character, I get confuse most of the time.


As I continue to elaborate on it, I sumarised that not only are emotions annoying, painful or bliss to many but I think its so silly!

Like that character in a certain character, she cried because she was strapped to a metal table (I was reading an action story so dont get the wrong idea) and she starts crying when the enemy hasn't even started experimenting on her get! I think it's just plain silly like these people are emotionally (yet they call ME emotional but in reality, I dont even know) sometimes I wonder if I am forcing these emotions described in the story but sometimes I end up feeling nothing still. I usually dont want to feel these emotions, I may not know what the feelings I feel most of the time but one word: PAINFUL (except happiness)


And as I continue observing my classmates, I think how oddly easy it is to fool someone and toy with THEY'RE emotions and other things I find "silly."


In the end, I thought, "Oh how weak the mind is!"
And that usually leads to me, thinking that emotions are our downfall. I always imagined what I would feel if I killed someone or if my parents die, would I feel sorrow or just that light feeling, so light that I cant describe it? (then again, I do not want to be responsible for anyone's death, in a religious percpective)


I can go on and on about how "silly" our emotions can be but I think you already got the point.

Oops I have mispellings and typo, sorry 'bout that

I agree with Skippy! It's so easy faking you're emotions that I'm surprised no one notices or thinks twice about it. But... I read stories but as the author describes the feelings of they're character, I get confuse most of the time.


As I continue to elaborate on it, I sumarised that not only are emotions annoying, painful or bliss to many but I think its so silly!

Like that character in a certain character, she cried because she was strapped to a metal table (I was reading an action story so dont get the wrong idea) and she starts crying when the enemy hasn't even started experimenting on her get! I think it's just plain silly like these people are emotionally (yet they call ME emotional but in reality, I dont even know) sometimes I wonder if I am forcing these emotions described in the story but sometimes I end up feeling nothing still. I usually dont want to feel these emotions, I may not know what the feelings I feel most of the time but one word: PAINFUL (except happiness)


And as I continue observing my classmates, I think how oddly easy it is to fool someone and toy with THEY'RE emotions and other things I find "silly."


In the end, I thought, "Oh how weak the mind is!"
And that usually leads to me, thinking that emotions are our downfall. I always imagined what I would feel if I killed someone or if my parents die, would I feel sorrow or just that light feeling, so light that I cant describe it? (then again, I do not want to be responsible for anyone's death, in a religious percpective)


I can go on and on about how "silly" our emotions can be but I think you already got the point.

I just read that, girl...

I think we should phone.. I don't feel like writing "a lot" on the net again ;-) Snow

I faked my childhood, I faked my romantic relationships.

"Pretend to be what they want you to be." I called this "other" person I was pretending to be, "Blanche." It's because I hate the name (no offense to anyone on here who has that name).

I wonder if it's nature or nurture. I was basically "told how to feel" by my mom. I remember her asking me how I "felt" and I would tell her only to get, "No you don't, you feel THIS way." I would then think, "well, I don't feel what she wants me to feel, but I will fake it because she wants it." Thus, I faked my life. I would get "in trouble" if I didn't "fake."

And other times when I tried to tell her what I felt, she would get angry and say, "Why do you got to be this way?" It made me feel like I was "wrong" when I wasn't "wrong" per se, it just wasn't what she thought I SHOULD feel.

I was a bit of a precocious child. She couldn't handle "precocious."

Absolutely I've spent my whole life wondering why I didn't have the feelings that everyone else seemed to have. As I got older, I learned to avoid emotional people and situations but it was when I learned to fake emotions that life got a lot easier. For this reason I have learned to avoid friendships with other women. Sooner or later, I found I would be dumped by a friend for "not caring", or being too "cold". Friendships with men were a lot easier to maintain. I study people now and I have been able to develop a form of friendship with other women. I've learned what to say in many emotional situations that seems to work. Understand, I don't feel any particular emotion, but knowing what to say and do, even if it is fake, works wonders for me. I often wondered if my not feeling emotions meant I was some type of sociopath, but finding that I have alexithymia has been a relief. It's nice to know others struggle with this problem.

I found that to be true, also. I'm female, but seemed to do better with male friendships, as it didn't involve emotions. But then I still struggled with romantic relationships, as I found I had to "fake" a lot in that area. Well, I'm not sure if I faked from the get go, or or situations made me feel I had to fake.

My biggest issue with faking emotions or acting, is that it's all a lie. I want them to be there but I just don't feel much at all. I want to be able to convey emotions to people without having to be strategic with how I go about things. I just want them to flow as everyone arundel me can. I'm a guy and since I was a young boy, I sought the friendships of girls more than boys. Gnerally speaking, girls identify with their feelings more than guys... and as a boy, and still as a man, I feel near dead inside and I hate it! I have never kissed a girl and felt the rush, the emotion, the physical excitement from just a kiss. I've googled it so many times, looked into forums, checked psych sites... why does it just feel... like my lips touching someone else's and repeating the motions?

I want it... I really do... I just hate lying about it so much, in almost everything

If I am acting as a good person, if only to be perceived as a good person, does that actually make me a bad person? I don't think so, because I would much rather be perceived as a good person rather than bad, and if I have the capability, then why not?

Others' perception is what ultimately defines you, e.g. anything in history books or biographical literature. Those recordings are what we know and perceive about those cultures/people/ideas. Therefore that is what they are (in our perception and our reality). So if the actions that I take and the things that I do are perceived as good, then that is what I am, regardless of internal thoughts (good, bad, or neutral) because those are not substantial.

Anyways... That's my take on it as someone who has been an "actor" my whole life.

I could be an excellent actor and fool the majority of people into believing that I'm "normal," or "good," or what ever word you'd like to use. But who's to say that their idea of what's "good" is right? Just because the majority of people believe something, doesn't mean that we all should.

For me, I know that virtue comes from within. When I go out into the world of people, I may not always be well-liked. Someone might laugh at me, or talk behind my back, or say, "Wow, she's cold-hearted," but as long as I always tell them the truth, help them solve their problems, do them no actual harm, and seek to remedy all the mistakes I make, I know that I'm being the best person I can be. If anyone asks more of me than that, then I know they're asking too much, and such demand comes from a certain type of ignorance, closed-mindedness, and/or fear, and I should help them with that, too, if possible.

As for matters of reputation, I couldn't possibly care less. But that's just me.

I, personally, for the longest time just assumed that there was nothing wrong with me. I mean, I guess I kind of always understood that emotions were never really a big part of my life, but no one ever gave any indication that I was any different from them (and if they did I never picked up on it, which may or may not be another symptom of alexi, I don't know). And now that I do know about alexi, I can't help but feel like I'm the different one, and that there is something wrong with me, which is something I've never felt before and it's really weird feeling it now; but even so, it's not something I would talk to someone about else unless they said something first.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, I guess my point is that it's not acting as much as it is just not addressing it.

I've never thought of it as acting, but I guess that's what it is.

It's basically what I'd say as a habit. If I'm with people, and something good happens, I smile like everyone else. But I'm not really smiling because I feel happy about what happened, I'm just smiling. And if something bad happens to one of my friends, I put on a sad face and hug them and say sorry. Not because I'm sad, I just do. It's a habit, because that's what everyone else does. I often think they are just doing it with no real emotion behind their smiles and tears as well, but I know deep down that's not true, they are really feeling something.

I often caught myself smiling at something when I'm alone, even though I don't reallyfeel happy. It's just that my brain triggers a smile when something happens that I know I should be feeling happy about.

I think that it's important to remember that not being *aware* of what's happening does not mean that nothing *is* happening. I don't consider myself to be acting when I involuntarily smile or frown - I take it to mean that somewhere in my head, the "right" neurons are firing. It's a reassuring thought.

I think that it's important to remember that not being *aware* of what's happening does not mean that nothing *is* happening. I don't consider myself to be acting when I involuntarily smile or frown - I take it to mean that somewhere in my head, the "right" neurons are firing. It's a reassuring thought.

Interesting thought. I like this way of thinking.

I have acted for as long as I can remember how I "feel" and when asked by my family what I feel or how my day was my response is always "it was fine I feel fine" and no one, not even my parents question it or ask for elaborations on my feelings. I also find that lying about this is now easier than telling the truth and I don't even think when I am acting. I often try to avoid people and have noticed that I have become more anti social as a result only talking to people when I have to like in school or clubs. I also talk more to boys than girls as they are less emotional and don't often have feeling discussions.

Often I say things or do things that cause others to feel hurt or offended however I have no idea why they feel this way or that I have done this in the first place. Last weekend for example my aunt, nan and mum were discussing my cousin shopping for wedding dresses and I expressed my opinion of how stupid wedding dresses are as people spend large amounts of money on something that will only be worn once and that I didn't want one when I get married. I later found out from my mum that my aunt and nan had been upset by my words however I can't understand why as I was only expressing my opinion on the subject. Does anyone else find themselves in this situation?

I also find emotions silly sometimes as people constantly cry when others die and when my great nan died people cried at her funeral almost 2 months after her death which seemed silly as everyone dies so there is no use in crying over it. I will admit that when I heard she died I cried for about 10 minutes although I'm not entirely sure why. People also seem to get angry or upset over little things that seem ridiculous to me to be upset or angry over. This is especially noticed by me in tv shows, books and movies. Also when people obsess over tv shows or celebrities I don't understand why so I have learnt to fake enthusiasm for certain shows so as to be involved in the occasional conversation in my class.

I sometimes laugh or cry or shout and can't understand why however by watching and listening to others I have worked out that if I laugh I am happy or find something funny, if I cry it is because I am sad and if I shout it is most likely because I am angry. Does anyone else use this method to understand what you or others are feeling?

I later found out from my mum that my aunt and nan had been upset by my words however I can't understand why as I was only expressing my opinion on the subject.

I think I might have this one sorted out. This may get a little philosophical so bear with me. It's also just my opinion but I'm not going to keep saying that all the way through. :-)

People tell themselves narratives about their lives and about the world around them. What we call "culture" is the parts of these narratives that are common between members of the group in question. Broadly, when someone experiences something that conforms to their cultural expectations they are relaxed and can enjoy themselves but when something happens that does not conform they are stressed and upset.

One common narrative around the world is that when women get married they look beautiful, blush and smile, and have "the happiest day of their lives" in the bosom of their family. I'm going to guess that your aunt and nan have both weaved this storyline quite firmly into their own. Telling them that you thought that was a "stupid" story hit them on two levels: first you are challenging their cultural expectations, and second you are making it clear that you don't want to indulge them by telling it yourself (with their involvement) some day.

This means that your opinion on wearing wedding dresses affects their personal narratives in a way that your opinion on Mongolian Throat Singing does not. You're acting against their interests in a very real way.

To make a further point, I think that personal narratives are something that alexithymic people struggle to build. I certainly find myself a very adaptable person: I tackle whatever is in front of me with no particular view to the future or care for the past. I have no difficulty completely uprooting my life when the need arises (university, holidays, new jobs, etc.) or even changing career. I just move to the new place and get on with things without batting an eyelid, something that I gather most people struggle with.

Does that sound familiar to you? Or to anyone else?

Does anyone else use this method to understand what you or others are feeling?

Well, I've never been particularly hazy on what crying, laughing and shouting mean. But observation of my actions is definitely an important tool. Slumped in a chair with sore throat/chest, constantly thinking about the same thing? Sad. Grinning and energetic and thinking about a hundred different things every minute? Happy. Heart beating fast, muscles tensing, attention focused sharply on one subject? Nervous. Nervous plus, ahem, guy things? Attracted to someone.

Since finding out about alexithymia a month or two ago I've been trying to focus a bit more on my mood and notice when it abruptly changes, then work out what factor(s) caused that. Armed with that information it's possible to make educated guesses about the precise emotion that's going on.

I act in most situations. I have found this practical. I have characters I play and I enter different roles for different situations (work, family, friends etc etc). Quite tiring though to show and pretend to have all these feelings I dont actually feel. Doesn't always work though. If something has happened to the people I know (something sad/happy etc)
I dont know how to act as the role I am used to playing won't work as the people are in a different state of mind and I dont know which state they are in (happy/sad/ etc). Then I end up being insensitive apparently.

I feel the same way often where I react to things the way I'm supposed to, but even though it happens, it doesn't feel real to me. There isn't anything prompting these emotions, or its very mild and its especially hard to distinguish between specific emotions such as sadness and disappointment, that as far as I can tell are similar in causing a very slight, sinking feeling while emotions such as excitement or fear both causes a pickup in heartbeats that I cannot differentiate.

As a side note however, I'm currently studying creative writing and writing is one of my past times. I find that I can usually describe the emotions of my protagonists but have a higher preference of writing the situations itself that causes the emotions and how the people react to it. Do you think this will affect my stories in the future?

As I continue to elaborate on it, I sumarised that not only are emotions annoying, painful or bliss to many but I think its so silly!

Let's all just go through the Vulcan thing of Kolinar and then we don't have to deal with it.

Acting like I care about bad things that happen to people I don't know!

Seeing people rallying together, crying on television because terrorists just killed people in some other city... I feel nothing, but I have to "oh no" and "this is just awful" with everyone else. Part of me feels bad because I don't care, but more of me doesn't understand why I should.

Seeing people rallying together, crying on television because terrorists just killed people in some other city... I feel nothing, but I have to "oh no" and "this is just awful" with everyone else. Part of me feels bad because I don't care, but more of me doesn't understand why I should.

I get this...... The bombing of the Federal Building in Oklahoma in the 90's didn't even affect me. But for some reason, the whole 9/11 thing made me burst into tears.

I think it's because I have been in and out of planes in Washington DC and why didn't this happen to me? Kind of a "survivor's guilt" thing.

I'm from Washington, DC metro area. I slept through 9/11 (I was 20 yrs old.) To me, it felt like it was happening on another planet. I'm trying to think of an incident that really shook me up... I will have to ponder it while I'm at work.

I'm trying to think of an incident that really shook me up... I will have to ponder it while I'm at work.

Another thing that "shook me up" was my nephew was killed in a car accident at age 16. I cried and cried over it. But after I "pondered" it, I discovered I wasn't crying because he died. I was crying because I survived a couple bad car accidents and walked, why him not me? Again, survivor's guilt.

I've failed to come up with any events that have really affected me. I remember feeling fairly disturbed by the shooting at the elementary school (Sandy Hook,) but my empathy for children sort of bleeds into my extreme empathy for animals. I do not have to act around animals. I feel emotionally lucid when interacting with animals, something I've learned to treasure. I just wish I felt the same and we able to feel as "free" with humans.

Hi guys, I have just joined after realising from a comment on an FB group and doing the test that I have Alexithymia! Just skim reading through this thread has made me feel very at home here! I am 46 and female from England and was diagnosed with autism 2 years ago (plus having overcome emotionally unstable personality disorder). I have been through longterm counselling loads in life and used to drive counsellors crazy by analysing everything but not talking about Feelings. I have got part way through training to be a counsellor. I can be very empathic and care about people, but am frequently left cold and am immune to things like mass, public grief. Its like I'm detached from the world. What is really interesting to me is all this talk of acting/moimicking feelings. I sought my autism disgnosis when I came across a female-pattern autism traits list, mainly because of the trait of Social Mimicking: this is what I've always done! I have no idea what I'm supposed to say or do or feel or look. I am in the process of getting diagnosed for Pathological Demand Avoidance type of autism. A trait of this is Social Mimicking also. This group here, you guys, are the only other place I've come across social mimicking as a trait. What does it all mean? (Here I am, analysing again!)

Freestyle, I identify with what you say. I analyze up the gazoo to the point of annoying people. I analyze "message behind the message" which is what happens when someone tries to convince you it's a duck when your eyes see a goose.

Also, I like what Artfunkel said back in November when he analyzed why someone took offense to the "wedding dresses are stupid" thing.

I am female and have no desire to marry. But when I make this statement, I mess with people's "narratives" of themself. I guess I don't see why this is such a big deal, I think it's ok for some people to want to marry and some people to not want to marry.

I just hate having to "pretend" that I want the big wedding when I don't...........