23.09.2015 von alsohere
I recently cheated on my girlfriend, now ex. There was nothing wrong with the relationship. Before we broke up I was trying to figure out why I did what I did. The girlfriend said it had something to do with how I handle emotions. So I started digging into that and found out I probably have Alexithymia.
Now, I do not think that it is necessarily a bad thing. I've seen how emotions can screw things up pretty badly. It is the lack of empathy that I'm worried about. The lack of empathy in that I will never be able to feel a real connection with someone. That I will hurt more people as I fail to consider or ascertain how they feel about stuff.
I do not blame Alexi for me cheating. (That would be sociopathic and I just made a really echo-centric decision with no regard for my girlfriend). But I do wonder if I never really loved my girlfriend because I just do not recognize the feeling of love.
My whole life I had been searching for someone to love. I felt this was missing. Then I finally had such a person and it was `just okay'. Of course she was head over heels in love with me, but I could not reciprocate. Not really. It was just as fake as the most of my social interactions