Hey, I've been stuck on this for years because I just can't figure out who I'm attracted to all. I have feelings but they're all muddled up and I don't know how other people feel and I just can't compare feelings and everyone just seems to be pressuring me to know this stuff! I'm just completely confused. I have ideal relationships but in my imagination feelings are far less complicated than feelings in real life.
Does anyone else get this? It's just bugging me so much
I don't really know about comparing feelings because i don't really feel them (i don't feel anything toward friends family or random people) but i know that i am not gay because when i imagine myself with another male, it (not that strong) disgust me (i don't judge gays or anyone) so i know i am attracted to women but if both gender are fine to you un that kind of thoughts then you light be bi (i have no knowledge on this i just think i would figure it out that way if it were my case) :)
I'm kinda the same. ^^ I used to identify as bi but now I am back on confused. I get feelings towards people, some stronger than others, but I can't divide emotions properly into what they are. I think.. it's okay and things will work out somehow. ^^ Maybe labels aren't that important, or maybe just being confused until we can decide is okay if we just keep an open mind.
Labels are so super important to me because they are how I communicate what I am to other people. It was so important that I be diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum (I'm 35, most professionals don't really see a point in diagnosing ASD at this age,) but I pushed for it because it gives me a flag to hold up instead of fumbling for words that don't come out right. Its way of saying "this is what I am" in a way.
I have also struggled with my sexuality over the years. To me, establishing my sexuality was very important because it really is a huge part of ones identity. 15 yrs ago I was hypersexual, it was the only way I could really connect with men. This method was not working for obvious reasons, so I became really confused and disenchanted. I started to think, well I'm also attracted to women, maybe I'm a lesbian. After giving that the old college try, it didn't work out either. As I've gotten older I've come to realize that WHO I'm attracted to isn't important. I'm attracted to attractive human beings. This has become my label, and unlike my autism label, its a label for me, not other people.
I've heard people say labels aren't important, but to someone who has trouble expressing their feelings, needs, and just basically who they are, I think they're very important. And that's okay.
It really ok to be fluid in your sexuality. We have been taught for so long that sexuality is concrete. It really is not. You may want to google something called the Genderbread Man. Just shows all the variabilities that affect sexuality and expression. I myself am Grey A Sexual PanRomantic. I rarely do sexual attraction, but I do participate in sex, but not for reasons out of psychological or emotional need. I really have no desire to do it (except for the occasional need to scratch the itch, and even then, masturbation will sufficiently make the urge go away, or even distraction.) I do like romantic and emotional attachment to anyone of any gender, its just that when you bring in the necessity of sex, I may run the other way unless we come to a very flexible compromise that you will not depend on me for your sexual needs and that we may just need to have a polyamorous relationship.
Other lesser commonly know identities to consider:
heteroflexible: you are primarily sexually attracted to the opposite sex, but in the right circumstances, you could develop a sexual attraction to a person of the opposite sex
pansexual: you are sexually attracted to all people and genders (trans men and women, intersex, asexuals, whomever)
sapiosexual: there is debate as to whether this is supposedly valid, but I pass no judgement on what fuels your sexual attraction: this is people whose sexual attraction is highly based on intelligence
asexual: no sexual attraction at all
demisexual: sexual attraction only after a strong bond which may take a long time
grey asexual: you may attract to someone sexually, you may not, but he lack of sexual attraction does not determine your desire to not be in a relationship with them
Another line of thought regarding relationship types are relationships based in polyamory, ethical non monogamy, and relationship anarchy
There are just a few off the top of my head
Some people dislike titles, but I find titles help me to explain myself to other people and also put me in alignment with the right people so as relationships go on, there is no confusion as to why my sexual activity and views are the way they are.
It really ok to be fluid in your sexuality. We have been taught for so long that sexuality is concrete. It really is not. You may want to google something called the Genderbread Man. Just shows all the variabilities that affect sexuality and expression. I myself am Grey A Sexual PanRomantic. I rarely do sexual attraction, but I do participate in sex, but not for reasons out of psychological or emotional need. I really have no desire to do it (except for the occasional need to scratch the itch, and even then, masturbation will sufficiently make the urge go away, or even distraction.) I do like romantic and emotional attachment to anyone of any gender, its just that when you bring in the necessity of sex, I may run the other way unless we come to a very flexible compromise that you will not depend on me for your sexual needs and that we may just need to have a polyamorous relationship.
Other lesser commonly know identities to consider:
heteroflexible: you are primarily sexually attracted to the opposite sex, but in the right circumstances, you could develop a sexual attraction to a person of the opposite sex
pansexual: you are sexually attracted to all people and genders (trans men and women, intersex, asexuals, whomever)
sapiosexual: there is debate as to whether this is supposedly valid, but I pass no judgement on what fuels your sexual attraction: this is people whose sexual attraction is highly based on intelligence
asexual: no sexual attraction at all
demisexual: sexual attraction only after a strong bond which may take a long time
grey asexual: you may attract to someone sexually, you may not, but he lack of sexual attraction does not determine your desire to not be in a relationship with them
Another line of thought regarding relationship types are relationships based in polyamory, ethical non monogamy, and relationship anarchy
There are just a few off the top of my head
Some people dislike titles, but I find titles help me to explain myself to other people and also put me in alignment with the right people so as relationships go on, there is no confusion as to why my sexual activity and views are the way they are.
If I'm not in a relationship, don't miss it, don't want it. I have been asked how I can "go without." I find it easy if I'm not with anyone. Just find other things to do.
I don't understand how people enter into life long commitments with the same person. Logically, I understand there is a human need to pair up and "settle down" (in fact, not having this urge kind of disturbs me!) I see the appeal of having someone you absolutely love be around all the time, but I think so much of this is fantasy I've absorbed from television and books. I look at some people, some couples, and I just shake my head. They are so obviously unhappy with one another and yet they stay together - I don't get this!!!
The same thing with having sex for its own sake. Masturbation (and good inventions!) have almost completely solved this problem for me. Sure I miss the odd bodily sensations that accompany being in love, but I can take care of myself better than any one person has been able to do, so why bother?
