19.02.2026 von User34856C52
Hello,
Just joined. I started going to therapy several months ago and after a several frustrating sessions, he recommended that I be tested for autism, which turns out I have to a degree. Then a few months later, I started to reflect on the fact that I felt stiff and frozen during therapy, when he would ask me to describe how I am feeling. This was a new sensation for me. Usually when I am out in the world, when I don't want to express what I am feeling in front of people my head feels full of emotion, but my body wasn't showing any emotion. Went I got to a place where I could be alone, I felt I could be emotional both physically and mentally. Then when I was in therapy, I was physically emotional but not feeling emotional mentally. I took a test, turned out I show signs for some Alexithymia, and the test I just took said I am a 119.
I feel like my experience with Alexithymia is mostly around self expression, rather than connecting through empathy. Though I do find I struggle to relate to people's experiences a lot, when something is new to me, I find I can't name an emotion that I think I would feel with that. I also look to movies and characters to figure out how to act in certain situations. I feel like when I watch a tv show long enough, I can take on some of the mannerism of the character, and act that way for a while.
I have found when I express myself emotionally, that people don't always accept it, or look at me funny when I express myself, so I have learned to hide it, for the most part. It takes me a long time to finally decide if I want me to share my thoughts. Sometimes I think people are mad at me, then I ask them if they are, and it turns out I didn't read them correctly.
I find I confuse people a lot, they think I don't like people. Though I do in a lot of ways. I try and help them with tasks. I just find when I try and connect emotionally, I can't keep my emotions present for very long, or if people express their emotions, I am not always sure right away how I feel about their feelings, so I tend to be silent. Not really sure how to reconcile the two. There seems to be a disconnect between me and people, that I can't always reconcile.
I realize this must be a lot all at once. Thought I would try, and see if any of this seems recognizable to this community.