Topic: Why does anybody actually care?

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

Why does anybody actually care?
15.09.2018 by Jute

I'm strongly Alexithymic. That's just a fact. I have blue eyes, that's also a fact. Do I actually give a shit about either? No. Would I like to change either? Why? What would be the point, when both things actually contribute towards me being who I am?

23.02.2019 by Will1234

I totally get where your coming from as people have asked me this and I had the same response.
Why would I change my personality, I mean sure alexithymia isn’t perfect but that and HFA make me very logical and is probably the centre of my intellect. I may not be able to express or describe many emotions but inside I’m neutral which isn’t bad and have a good sense of humour. I would not change one bit about me as that would invalidate the journey I’ve been on and who I am now.

Wouldn’t change alexithymia
Or Anxiety cause I check everything twice!

24.02.2019 by Jute

Yeah, I totally agree with you. I'm far from being perfect but I don't see that the alternative is any more perfect either. I'm just me and me is comprised of numerous facets, change or remove any of them and I wouldn't be the me that I am, I'd be somebody else.

24.02.2019 by Will1234

I would much rather continue to live my life as I am, mainly because although I have had a difficult and violent past I am a better person because of it. It was a bit ironic really because People tried to bully me because I was weird but they didn’t know they were “playing with fire”. So they would try to start a fight (there were 2) but when they did they would either kind of retreat or come out with a bleeding nose each or something. But even those experiences have led me to become a neutral person in the sense that I won’t start fights and will try to stop them but if there’s no choice will fight to the death.

Think the high pain threshold helped in those combat scenarios.

25.02.2019 by Jute

I've never been a violent person at heart, I don't like getting hurt because I'm a coward. So I was bullied a lot at school. It didn't help that I was really small and skinny too. However even worms can turn and when pushed too far I have exploded on several occasions. When I did lose the plot I really lost it and it required several other people to drag me off someone who I was beating to a pulp. I guess it's all or nothing with me, take it and do nothing or totally explode and try to kill someone.

25.02.2019 by Will1234

I’ve never started the fights but I’m the one who would finish them

26.02.2019 by Jute

I think that nowadays if I had issues with someone in real life and I felt threatened I'd just pick up the phone and call the police, they're paid to deal with those sort of situations. The danger of getting physically involved yourself is not only that you might lose and get hurt but that you might win and find yourself in court, charged with GBH.

26.02.2019 by Will1234

Yeh I try not to respond anymore and I’ve only had 2 scraps in 2 years so getting better. Primary school I had loads like 20 a year but I’ve moved on and that was along time ago and has shaped my personality in a good way I think.

26.02.2019 by Will1234

I actually want to join the police when I’m older because I want to fight crime and see justice happen

27.02.2019 by Jute

Good luck with it, if that's what you want to do. It wouldn't be a job that I'd ever have considered because I really have an issue with authority. I absolutely loath other people telling me what to do, so that ruled me out from ever joining the police or any of the armed services. I wouldn't even join the cubs, when I was a boy, because I didn't want people telling me what to do or what to wear.

27.02.2019 by Will1234

I don’t mind being told to do unless people act like I can’t refuse and as if I’m a slave. I don’t mind wearing a uniform and I want to be part of Counter terrorism or SCO19 so it would be more of a suit. I never joined any cubs or scouts because I could just imagine me attacking people with a sharpened stick because they’ve broken my house or nicked my hat. I don’t mind uniform because I can wear my style at other times.

28.02.2019 by Jute

I was expelled from school because I refused to be told what to do. I don't mind if people 'ask' me, then I'll generally go along with their request, but being told what to do really, really gets my goat. I'm not bothered about uniforms, except that I'd have to cut off all of the tags, cos they drive me up the wall. I'm not fond of shirts but I can tolerate them if necessary (like at school).

28.02.2019 by Will1234

I don’t mind people asking me to do stuff as it gives me a choice but one thing I will never wear are jeans, I would rather go out with just boxers on. I hate jeans, you can’t move properly in them, the same goes for long sleeve shirts.
I was lucky not to get expelled with some of the shit I’ve pulled, scraps, i stole the teachers lighter and I had a food fight on a 3 day trip we had to Norfolk. There’s probably other stuff I’ve forgotten but still.

01.03.2019 by Jute

I never wear jeans these days, they're too heavy and they take forever to get dry once they get wet. When they're new they can also be stiff and uncomfortable. I don't like long sleeved shirts either, because the cuffs tend to get on my nerves. So if I have to wear one I generally roll the sleeves up.

01.03.2019 by Will1234

The cuffs are what annoy me too but another major factor is how it creases in your shoulder elbow pit, in the joint between both parts of your arms. I often just wear sports clothing and tracksuits as they allow you to move in them and your dick and balls aren’t trapped under thick denim. They also often have zipped pockets and I love clothes with zipped pockets.

I also always get my shoes in a larger size than I am so I can move my toes around and so they’re not trapped.

03.03.2019 by Jute

I frequently wear short legged cargo type trousers, with either zips or press studs on the pockets, because I hate things falling out of them when I sit down. I hate tight fitting shoes too, I'd much sooner have them too big than too small. Collars are the parts of shirts that cause me the most issues but I don't like the way that they ride up when you bend or stretch either.

03.03.2019 by Will1234

Whenever I’m not at an event when I’m wearing a suit I have my collar turned up so it’s not tight and often have 1or 2 buttons undone.

Feel a bit of a buz today cause we smashed a team 11-2 in football. My legs kill though.

03.03.2019 by Jute

I only wear a shirt if I'm going to a funeral, otherwise I just wear T-shirts or sweaters.

I've never played football in my life. At primary school we played rounders and cricket in the local park. In grammar school it was rugby, cricket and field sports outside and basketball, handball and climbing ropes etc indoors. Halfway through year 8 I'd had enough of it and I used to just bunk off games, then I just bunked off school completely :)

03.03.2019 by Will1234

I’m the opposite, throughout primary and grammar if I’m ill and we have games I’ll go in. Unless it’s something boring like athletics when I’ll stay home. But if there’s no games and I have a cough I act like I’ve got the neumonic plague.

03.03.2019 by Jute

I didn't mind field sports, because you can compete against yourself. I was pretty good at Javelin and Discus and was competing against 15 and 16 year olds at school when I was 12. I lacked the power that they had but my technique and speed were much better. I liked high jump and sprinting but when it came to cross country, long distance running, team sports or swimming I just did the bunk. I still have memories of standing shivering on an icy rugby pitch in teh middle of a November gale, trying to warm my exposed knees and thighs by rolling up my socks and stretching my top down as far as it would go. I was the only kid who never needed a shower after a rugby match (even though they still made me take one) cos I made a point of always being nowhere near the ball :)

03.03.2019 by Will1234

I am good at running my leg muscles are much larger than my biceps. I prefer long distance than sprinting as I feel more sense of achievement when I win.

I used to play badminton and I really enjoyed it until I started to play football and my body would suffer by playing football l, badminton and cricket.
My dad used to tell me he thought I would play cricket for England but then I stopped because I didn’t like having a certain amount of overs I could bowl and bat.

Recently though I’ve started to play for bluebell hill and I’ve still got it, I took 6 wickets in 3 games

03.03.2019 by Jute

I've never had any stamina when it came to running. I could run fast but only for short distances. I was unbeatable at 100 metres but mediocre at 200 metres. Anything longer than that and I'd give up and start walking :) Seriously. Yet I was always the reverse when it came to cycling. Other kids could ride faster but I could just keep going for mile after mile. It didn't make any difference how far I rode, the speed remained pretty constant. I cycled around Anglesey and up into Snowdonia on a regular basis when I lived in Bangor.

If you enjoy playing cricket go for it, make the most of it while you can cos when you get older you won't be able to do it.

03.03.2019 by Will1234

I like cricket but not as much as football, I suppose I like the thrill of the fowls, tackles, fights and goals. I like the sports that have contact in them as it allows me to release the fire that’s built up in me over the week.

I am ok at sprinting I’m quicker than most but not the fastest. The 1600 and 800 metres is my event.
If I’m up against slow and steady people I’ll stick with the pack and win it in the last lap.

But against quick people I’ll sprint in 400m bursts and then stop to take a breather while i wait for the others to catch up and then do the same again and again.

03.03.2019 by Jute

I guess that makes sense, that longer distance running is all about tactics. With me everything has always been black & white. Run or stand still, so when I ran I always ran as fast as I could, until I could run any further cos I was out of breath. That worked great for 100 metres but simply left me breathless and grinding to a halt at any longer distance. I had no notion of pacing myself.

03.03.2019 by Will1234

I see things either in black or white, or neither and just a grey area. That’s why I need a scale to say whether I enjoyed something or say whether something was good cause good is an opinion and I don’t know whether I enjoyed some

04.03.2019 by Jute

With me everything is either black or white, right or wrong, good or bad, my way or not at all. I don't do compromises, I never have. My mind simply doesn't work that way.

04.03.2019 by Will1234

I’m either good or bad like what a score on a test is or it depends. I always say if you murder someone you should be killed to but if he tried to rob you or assaulted you then you can kill him. My minds a bit messed up in that sense.

05.03.2019 by Jute

So you think that murder is wrong, but killing in self defence is justified?

I basically agree with you on that.

I also believe that for some crimes there should be a death penalty. Not necessarily for someone who commits a single murder, because there can be mitigating circumstances, But I certainly agree with a death penalty for any serial killer, who would only be a danger to the general public if they were ever released. It would also be a burden to the tax payer to feed and care for them for the rest of their life in prison, as well as being a potential security risk, as they might possibly escape. So to me it eliminates all the problems to simply execute them. It also saves money. If you just put a nail gun to the back of their head and press the trigger, it's environmentally friendly too, cos you can even reuse the nails afterwards :)

I do think that if people are given a death sentence it should be carried out within a year at most. It's totally wrong to keep people on death row for ten years or more, as that amounts to mental torture.

06.03.2019 by Will1234

I think all rapists, pedos and serial killers should just be disposed of and burnt on a stake for the public to see, that would be great entertainment.

I wouldn’t have someone killed after 1 killing as there could be a wrong decision in court and the motivation could be genuinely acceptable in my eyes.

06.03.2019 by Jute

Wit sex offenders I don't think execution fits the crime, but imprisonment and treatment, depending on the sort of offenses is the right way to go. It's down to individual cases though. There are violent rapists or climb through bedroom windows and tie their victims up, rape them repeatedly and torture them. Or who drag a passerby into an alley, beat them, unconscious and then rape them, and steal their belongings. They're very different from a guy who cops off with a girl at a nightclub, they have sex and the next day when she sobers up she has second thoughts about what she did. She decides that it was a mistake so she then accuses him of being a rapist. It happens, all too often. Likewise someone who keeps a little kid chained up in a bedroom and shags them every night is very different from a 17 year old who is going out with a 15 year old and does some heavy petting. Yet technically they're both guilty of sex with underage kids.

06.03.2019 by Will1234

Yeh I would only kill serial or violent rapists as well as like 40 year old pedos

07.03.2019 by Jute

Why 40? Is 39 less serious?

I still think it's down to the individual case, the circumstances and whether the offender has done it once or several times. How many victims there were, what sort of abuse it was, blah, blah, blah. At worse I'd definitely opt for a long term in prison, to protect the general public. Killing someone is a very serious decision, so I'd reserve that for people who've taken more than one life themselves or terrorists who planned to take multiple lives but were prevented from doing so. I'd also add people who had killed only one victim but did in some extreme sort of way, like torturing them to death, for their own sexual pleasure.

07.03.2019 by Will1234

I suppose I would rule the country with an iron fist if I were in charge, I’m a justice freak, so that’s why I want to join the police. I would have ordered the SAS to kill that Shamema Begum women, hate her.

08.03.2019 by Jute

I'd have let any British citizens who wanted to go to Syria (or anywhere else) to fight leave the country without hesitation. I'd have just insisted that they surrender their passports because once they left here they wouldn't ever]/b] be getting back in.

08.03.2019 by Will1234

I am a right wing person in terms of political personality. I have strong views that may offend some people but I don’t care. I am a Leave EU person.

09.03.2019 by Jute

I voted to leave the EU in the 2016 referendum. Not because I'm bothered about immigration but because when this country joined with Europe, it joined the 'Common Market.' That was simply an organisation for trade between member countries. Over the years somehow it's turned into the E.U. which is a political federation, which has its own parliament and court of justice, which both have more power that the courts and governments of member countries. That's not what this country voted to join back in 1973. I believe that decisions that effect Britain should be made in Britain by British people, not by a bunch of unelected bureaucrats in Brussels.

Weird, I can't turn the bold type off.

09.03.2019 by Will1234

I don’t get why we can’t live as a nation by ourselves and trade with America.

I am a business person and understand the struggles we will go through at first but after a few years with more home grown businesses the uk could have an economic ability better than now

10.03.2019 by Jute

The best thing would be to leave the EU with no deal. A clean break. Then we can make trade deals with whoever we choose and we don't have to pay those leeches £39 Billion, or have them meddling in our laws for years to come, which is what May's deal would let them do.

10.03.2019 by Will1234

I agree, we are our own nation and should make our own decisions. We bring a lot to the EU that Europe don’t appreciate. Our military equipment is of top quality and no one in the EU accept maybe France can cope but with BAE working on the tempest the new 6th generation fighters we will instantly jump if we are not there already there.

21.06.2020 by User25660N61

Why care? This question really got me thinking. I mean I really care because Alexi has been a huge inconvenience and I dont understand my fellow man and that creates problems. Small and/or big. Also I feel like I'm not complete. I'm not the peson I was meant to be. I'm not whole. I'm missing things, parts of myself. So I feel as though I would just be completing myself and becoming my true self. Becoming whole. Like a puzzle with a missing piece. Yes the puzzle can still function and you understand and know what the puzzle picture is but just missing one small piece and yes its still beautiful and all that but still missing something that was supposed to be there and no matter how nice it looks and everything else, it is still missing a piece. Its not really changing the picture to put in the missing piece its just finishing it, making it whole. Making it how it is supposed to be. Also I just want to be normal. I'm so tired of pretending and not just being myself. I'm tired of people seemingly to be upset with me for no reason out of nowhere and i have 0 idea why. I want to experience those emotions in the moment instead of feeling empty and nothing. So that is my why. I want to know who I am, really, at my fullest potential.