16.08.2020 by JulieDegraw
here's how it works for me.
When i fall in love or have a crush it's like an obsession almost. I don't know if I'm really capable of love but i can miss someone. Especially my crush and my cats. I don't feel a bond with my family " mom, sis, niece" and i never miss them and i don't feel love. I have a couple friends and i like hanging out and have fun and i can genuinely laugh with them but i never miss them either and i have no prob ending relationships and never see that person again even if we've known each other for years.
I don't care about mainstrem topics, social media platforms, royalty, gossip, celebrities, starving kids in africa. And i despise small talk.
I hate showing or talking about emotions and I'd rather solve prob in logical manner rather than emotionally trying to comfort somebody. It just seem like dwelling in self pity or helping others do so is a waste of time.
I don't really know who i am because I've spent almost all my life mimicking or pretending to give a damn just to fit in. Why would i even care to fit in ? I am still human after all i suppose.
As i grow older i find myself to be more intolerant to things i don't like or events i don't want to go to and I'm voicing that more and more leaving people in anger and confusion. Especially family. I don't want to pretend anymore. It's draining me. I do still pretend a lot when it comes to work relations. One doesn't want to get fired or stand out too much among colleagues.
I can never master the emotions but i can make comments that fits any given situation "most of the time " often it surprises me when people suddenly cry while talking about something that should not "by my definition" be sad.
This is prob not all of it but it's what i can share right now.
What do you think ?