Topic: What is this really epic feeling??

English Alexithymia Forum > Questions and Answers

What is this really epic feeling??
23.06.2021 by User43343E53

I started having this feeling of epicness (if that's even a word) in 2019.

This feeling can also be called a state of mind IMO. Because when I'm taken over by this feeling, I get this weird heightened senses. I see more, I smell more, I hear more, but at the same time I also feel like I only see one thing, I only smell one thing, and I only hear one thing. It's like my awareness goes up 100x. There's no hyperbole here. I just feel so present. Everything I see suddenly looks so epic. Leaves falling off the trees look more amazing than those of the same thing I see in movies. Cars passing, people walking, even the smelly garbage dumps look amazing to me. The smell is still terrible but I don't hate it. I can just observe it. I can observe everything like I'm at the very center of the universe.

But this feeling doesn't really make me feel happy. I don't feel happy when I experience this. I don't feel sad, mad or even curious. I also don't feel great. I doesn't make me feel like "life is amazing and I'm thankful to be alive." The one thing it makes me feel is that it makes me feel like I'm a part of something really grand. Something big. It makes me feel like I'm expecting something though I don't know what it is.

Now I can try to access this feeling by going for a walk or a ride. But the feeling just comes as I enjoy the views. There's no way to really tap into this. So something it comes and sometimes it doesn't.

I have a neurological condition. The only diagnose I got from a doctor is idiopathic REM sleep behavior disorder. But the doctor and his colleagues who were there while I was getting checked suspected that the REM problem was just one of the many symptoms of a bigger problem. My left eye is dying. I have more than 15 floaters in my vision (both eyes). I have muscle weakness. I get injured way too often. I have OCD, sometimes I get this really sharp torturing pain on my fingers (feels like one of veins is being cut), and I have a speech problem where I just can't utter words at all (it's like my mouth forgets how to speak or it refuses to speak). But the worst is the REM problem. My head explodes every time I get another episode of it.

I think it's important to note that before I started experiencing this epic feeling. I went through some seriously graphic, psychopathic, and weirdly satanic nightmare. Don't know if I can call it a nightmare since "I am" the nightmare in those dreams. I also went through a phase where I suddenly had this really high tendency towards violence. All these went away when I started experiencing that epic feeling.

24.06.2021 by Alexej

Thank you for your description of what is going on for you.

It sounds quite different - and I have not come across something like this myself.
Here hoping somebody else on the forum has some ideas

30.06.2021 by User89923J33

This sounds like awe, although somewhat spontaneous. Is there a time, place, or event, or state of mind that facilitates this? There may also be a word in another language that describes this feeling that doesn’t exist in English, like Yūgen (Japanese).

26.01.2022 by User3c782H9c

Hello @User43343E53 . I do experience the same feeling. As I read you post I knew I had to at least answer. Because the feeling is exactly as you described.
For me it has no trigger as far as I know and it occurs rarely. I am 31 years old and have not experienced it more than twice a year for the last few years. It was much more frequent at younger ages.
If you found more information about it please share.

14.06.2022 by User753b4kc8

Hello @User43343E53, this sounds a bit like mild manic episodes. Have you been evaluated for bipolar disorder? Those feelings you're describing of being "at the center of the universe", all the leaves looking better and more amazing than they've ever looked for no reason, feeling like you're part of "something really grand", etc. are pretty classic mania symptoms. I hope that helps point you in the right direction!

09.07.2022 by User9b852p74

I thought mania or hypo-mania like in bipolar too, until you had described that it doesn't make you feel happy, amazing, or great. The closest things I can think (and that I've felt) is perhaps introspective and extrospective. A moment of sober perspective of life. Deep acceptance. Appreciation. Clarity. Revelation.
Since you mention the satanic nightmares and tendency toward violence had gone away, if you wouldn't mind me asking, I wonder if there is a spiritual element as well? It very well may not be this at all, but moments similar to that are when I'd say I feel closer to God.

15.07.2022 by User84233M77

i get it too. just look outside, dude. world's pretty. what i'd do is find a cool forest or somethin and just sit there as long as you want, and look at everything. there's nothin to be concerned about, really. i'd think it's just sudden awareness. hope this helps.