Topic: Hello everyone.

English Alexithymia Forum > Personal Experience

Hello everyone.
02.05.2022 by HenryH28

Hello my name is Henry, and I have just joined after having first taken the test a few months ago. I scored 149 on the test. I sought help for panic attacks I was having about three years ago, which led to me the realisation that I had been having panic attacks in response to emotional stimuli for about 23 years from the age of 4. I came across Alexithymia after SpaceX attempted their landing of SN8, and my partner was jumping off of the sofa and cheering, and this emotional display caused me to freeze and he said I looked terrified. It was then that I realised that I had these unusual responses for as long as I can remember. I came across Alexithymia after searching for some possible answers as to why I lack emotion or find it difficult to express emotion.

I often lack empathy, but this doesn't always interfere with my relationships or during conversations with people as I can generally figure out how to respond appropriately by the topic of discussion. I sometimes shake as if I am extremely anxious when actually I might just be feeling happy or excited, and sometimes I feel physically sick or nauseous when having sex, but I just practice what I learned in therapy and the feelings fade away.

I don't have a diagnosis for autism, Asperger's or anything like that, and I understand that Alexithymia isn't always related to a psychological condition, but Alexithymia does answer a lot of my questions or suspicions about why I have responded or struggled to respond to lots of events in my life. The most recent being when my grandmother died on Christmas Day 2021. I don't get on with my family, but I wasn't expecting to be completely apathetic to her passing. It took me a week to figure out that I felt terrible about not feeling anything in response to her death. When I told people about it they obviously expressed condolences, and I couldn't understand why as I didn't really care but my partner said that is what people normally do when someone dies. Who knew?

Anyway I just wanted to give a few examples and hopefully by joining this forum I can find some more clarity, and meet some new people online who have experience with similar things.

06.05.2022 by Alexej

Hello and welcome @HenryH28

Yes you are right that alexi is not only found in people on the spectrum.
For myself I have been diagnosed with Asperger's and recognise many of the things you talk about.

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