≡ Topic: anyone else feel this way

anyone else feel this way
13.05.2014 by tay

Ever since I could remember emotions have been impossible for me to express. I often had to ask myself do I love my mom my dad my sister etc. I know that I care about them but being able to show it is what's hard. Often when someone says like they value me or love me I either can't respond or I return the statement but am not sure if that's how I actually feel. I often do not have a filter either. Because words do not hurt me they more just resonate in my mind rather than make me upset. I forget people don't think the way that I do and say things that some people would find offensive. My mom told me that people tell her I am rude but it's not something I do on purpose or something I want to do. I do feel bad when I make people upset and feel a spark of happiness when I make people feel better. However I differ from a lot of people on this site where i like to hear peoples issues and I do empathize with them. I like to give advice to others because I think I understand a broad aspect of people's brains just not my own. I understand people and what they want for the most part. Except for my boyfriend most of the people i surround myself with are moderately emotional but he is extremely emotional so slick things I say are taken to heart and I wish he could understand that i am not trying to hurt him but it's not something in my control. I do not have a close friend because of this I cannot connect with people and if i do it is only for a short period of time I have never had a good friend who relied on my friendship and wanted to talk to me/spend time with me often. I think that might have to do with why I am this way because I never actually feel fully accepted or rather not a first choice in the eyes of anyone. I also agree with you all when you say you feel frustration/irritation very easily that may be the only emotion I comprehend though it only last for a few minutes. However, I think I feel emotions I just can't discern which emotion is which and why I am feeling them. Like my boy friend asks if i Love him and i say yes i do and i truly believe I do because he probably gets the most "emotion" out of me than any other person has. The main emotions I cannot comprehend are happiness sadness anxiety and love just to be broad. Sometimes I guess I have a build up of anxiety that I do not realize I had and I burst into tears and I couldn't tell you why but that's what happens. My dad recently moved out and I told my mom she had 1 day to be sad about it which is probably not the right thing to say but I just feel like emotions are useless and do not benefit anything. But I might not feel that way if i could experience them easier. I took the alexithymia test and it said I was high with a score of 123 but I am not completely sold that I have this what are your thoughts sorry my little description is all over the place. If you have similarities to me I'd like to hear it

You're not alone
18.05.2014 by One-Hell14

Hi~
I want to say that you're not alone, and I know how it is to be emotional blind.
I don't actually know how i can help you, but I'll give you my little story,
just in the hope that it will help.

first of all, I Never felt love, or even like a person. Or i just didn't know how to show it to them.
Well, Not so long ago my father died. first when i saw him, i couldn't believe it. I actually Saw him dead.
i told my mother this, and when she knew about this she came home and cried, like it would never ends.
and I also have a sister so i told her that too, but then she knew about this, she almost passed out.
and all I did, was just standing there and watch there reaction,.. like i didn't care.
right then, i didn't know how to react.
i really do care about him, but i haven't shown him any feelings, not at all.
at school i haven't told any of my friends about this. I just thought it wasn't that important until they found it out themselves.
since i didn't have many friends or good friends, everyone just said "condolences" or "sorry for your loss"
but...my teacher's cared about it, and that made me think of how cold i was back then.
anyway, i didn't know how to describe what i feel. so now i'm wasting my time looking at the dictionary,
and trying to find the word that would describe emotions. i actually worked a bit, but you still need to show those feelings.
so i taught myself how to smile and it helped a lot.
but i'm still the heartless person with a mask on.

I really don't know how this will help, but i hope it's better than nothing.