Topic: Am I too young to have this ?

Hi AdSgil

By the sound of it you have the characteristics that have been labelled as alexithymia. Relax - you're still you. No you are not autistic; you are not a sociopath; you do not need to be defined by alexi - unless you choose to be defined by it. I've lived for over 60 years with it and have only found I've 'got' it in the last month or so. It explains lots, but I'm certainly no different from who I was before I found out about it. Knowledge is power. Knowing how you think allows you to be aware that others think differently (hey, everyone thinks differently!) so you can be aware that others may feel differently about things compared with how you feel. It does have some major advantages which have allowed me to do things in my life that otherwise I may not have done. It allows you to disassociate emotionally from situations so that you can make better decisions based on logic rather than on emotions. It also allows you to get on with what needs to be done instead of moping about the place distraught by emotion. So it definitely has positive sides. You also will probably be able to feel emotions but not explain what they are or differentiate between closely linked emotions. So you can't explain how you feel - not a big deal because, of course, you know inside exactly how you feel, you just can't put it into words.

A question or two. When you remember things do you remember them as you saw them through your eyes or as an observer where you are in the memory? Go back through time - have you always remembered like this or did it change after a traumatic memory? Just a little investigation I'm doing for which I'd really appreciate your feedback.

Go out there and live just as you are. Life is for living, not for lamenting the way you are - enjoy yourself. You'll be my age soon enough and wonder what happened in those intervening years.

Hi there who ever you may be,
thank you for that answer it calmed me down a bit and I agree with you on the part about it allowing me to disassociate emotionally from situations so that I can make better decisions based on logic rather than on emotions, so it really does have advantages, now answering your question when I remember things I remember them as they are, as how I have seen them nothing changes even when I remember things from a long time ago like childhood memories, I don't really have much childhood memories but the ones I have are always the same nothing changes, the only time I remember things differently is when I forget small insignificant parts but when someone reminds about them I remember them and they're still the same, for example like I went to a restaurant with my friends and we ordered french fries and they came with ketchup, I remember the part of us going to the restaurant and ordering fries but may forget that it came with ketchup and then someone says it came with mustard I'll automatically remember that it did in fact come with ketchup and not mustard, not quite sure if I'm making sense but it's like I need someone or something to trigger me into remembering what I forgot even if it has completely nothing to do with the memory,but apart from that I remember everything the way I saw it and I always know which part I play in the memory whether it's the one that's acting in it or just observing from a distance.

Hope that helps and thank you so much for your help :) .
P.S. I forgot to say that I usually forget things pretty quickly and I don't really try to remember things unless I really need to like for school tests and stuff, don't know if that helps but anyway just thought you should know.

Thanks for your reply. Pleased you found some help and reassurance in what I wrote. Remember that everybody is perfect exactly as they are, so you don't need to try to be a different you; just be the wonderful person that you already are.

This means that knowing that you have symptoms of something that has been labelled alexithymia is simply interesting, and is certainly not something to be concerned about or feared.

When I was eight I fell out of my parents' car as it travelled at about 45 mph along a gravel road. I can clearly see me holding what I thought was the window handle, but was actually the door handle, and turning it. The door was hinged at the rear so as soon as it opened I felt myself being pulled from the car. My next memory is of watching myself roll along the road, then stand up and run really fast after the car. So part way through the memory I went from being associated to being disassociated - from seeing things through my eyes as the person involved to seeing myself as an observer would see me. All memories before that time are associated; all memories after that time are dissociated. As I have a scientific bent I find this particularly interesting. So maybe alexithymia is something that can develop due to trauma. Perhaps there are other ways and maybe some people are born like it, others are born with the potential for it. All very fascinating but also largely unhelpful for those who show symptoms of it.

Forgetting things is nothing to do with alexi as far as I am aware. We all have different means of learning - reading, seeing, acting, hearing, etc - find the one that allows you to learn and remember best then seek to have experiences like that so you can remember. However, that is not an excuse for not learning. It is important to widen the scope of ways in which you learn so that you can learn from a larger range of experiences. It is also very common to have your memory prompted by specific things that others say, like your ketchup/mustard example.

So the key thing is that it is your choice whether or not you let alexi define who you are. Just be you and let things fit in with you as they will. You don't need to try to be 'normal' because that doesn't exist - just be you. And have fun - that's really important.