Topic: What do we expect?

English Alexithymia Forum > General Information

What do we expect?
10.05.2016 by yBeB

I don't think that we can handle with the situation ourselves but what do we expect from others?
Should they go a therapist instead of us?
Should they find this page and learn about alexithymia?
Should they show their love to us or should not they?
If we learn that they are trying to help us, does it make us happy?
We are expecting help from who or do we expect?

What I concluded after all my research and experiences is the problem is inability to talk because we don't have someone to talk. Without sharing our feelings and opinions, we are loosing them and do not know who we are, what we feel. This emotionless personality causes having no friend because we are not able to response to their emotions. So, there is a cycle.

Friendless life causes alexithymia, alexithymia causes a friendless life.

What do I expect is a friend who is a friend just to be a friend. Friend means...

I am so sorry that I am again confused if I am writing my real thoughts or the things I just heard. I was planning to write expectations from an imaginary friend but I am just not able to do this now. As if what I am writing is not what I think so, I do not want to continue now. Could you write your own expectations from your environment or from someone you do not know? When I come back to myself, hopefully I will write my expectations or I may say that I do not expect anything. For the time being I am not sure for anything.

Trying to "help?" What a laugh!
10.05.2016 by DXS

No, their "help" will be in the form of...... "they will FIND a way to MAKE us "feel" what they think we SHOULD feel.........

And that is what I cannot deal with.

What do I expect?
14.05.2016 by CV

Respect, simply.
This is something others seem to have a great deal of difficulty with, which rather reflects more on their emotional problems than mine, in my opinion.
For example, consider a reversal. If someone is an emotional person and is upset about something, I do not expect them to be as unresponsive as I am. I do not berate them for being an emotional wreck. I do not try to force them to suppress their emotions. Whereas when it is the other way around, people have no respect for my wishes - they try to behave in emotional ways they know, because they have been directly told, I do not appreciate. People will insist in hugging, kissing, touching etc when they know I dislike it. They will berate me for being "cold," instead of just accepting that is what I am like. They will continually tell me I should have a relationship, I should have friends, that there is something wrong with me and I need psychological drugs, just because my approach is different than theirs is. And obviously, if we differ, they are right and I am wrong. It is a form of self righteousness I am not callous enough to inflict on others, so I don't see why it is ok to do so to me.

No idea
14.05.2016 by GwenTheBoxerDog

Difficult question...
I don't actually tell people, as I don't want them to know I fake emotions.
Actually, I told one person and now I always have to do all presentation we have at work as I have never felt nervous or embarrassed so she uses me as she always gets nervous and embarrassed when talking in front of people.
I also remember that my friends when I was young (like 10-15) would make me go up to people and boys and say things. They would all laugh and I'd be lost because I didn't get the joke.

Maybe id like people to treat me like any other, but not say anything or comment when I leave early (as I get exhausted when trying to fake emotion all day long), or laugh when I say something wrong or talk amongst each other when I do it wrong, but rather tell me instead.

Friendless life causes alexithymia, alexithymia causes a friendless life.
20.05.2016 by MrG

I find this a very interesting thread that really strikes a chord with me.
CV. I would really tend to agree. Respect is my #1.
I have found myself carefully exploring what would I want in a friend. I have come to the conclusion that I would want them to have some interest in how the world looks to me. How do I feel, what does 'my world' mean to me.
I'm fine with how I feel and 'my world' not being the centre of attention, but I would just like them to at least respect 'me' and give a crap.
So, I would tend to agree with the sentiments on these posts. I have found that a lot of people who communicate very emotionally tend to like the world to be seen as 'their world' according to how it makes them feel, but are completely deaf and uninterested in my world and how I feel.
Consequently, I too have become resillient to people who treat me and my world with contempt. It used to really frustrate me, but now I take the attitude, that it's their choice and that not everybody needs to like me.
A conversation I had with my wife a few weeks ago cements this point. We were discussing how when I say that I am 'upset', it always seems to be interpreted as I am annoyed or P'd off. So I asked her when she can last recall me expressing that I was sad, tearful, down, blue. She said probably 3 or 4 years ago. So I bluntly asked, so you seroiusly think that I have not been sad for 3 or 4 years. I have felt so sad for so long, but every time I try and express it, it's just seen as me moaning, however her outwardly emotional state is always the centre of attention to everybody around her.
Hence the title of this post, taken from CV's initial one. I too have come to realise that there is a cycle and that I need to avoid working hard to engage with people who simply don't give a crap. I do try and describe 'my world' a bit better, but if that's just met with contempt, then I accept that they are just not really bothered.