Topic: In relationship with somebody with Alexithymia

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In relationship with somebody with Alexithymia
09.06.2016 by Rajcik


I have really strange experience with somebody who seems to me he has an alexithymia. I had to give up all relationship even I liked him a lot.

Except one 3 months relationship the man were last 8 years single. Before we started date together he flirted with me so hardly that I never saw anything like this. I had a boyfriend in this time and it really disrupted my relationship (and sometime it was disrespectful) but when I asked him to stop it he denied he made that. He said that people have those feelings in communication with him but he doesn´t mean it. After we split up with my boyfriend and because he pushed long time I decided trying. During half of year of long distance relationship I experienced many really strange moments. 6-7 times I asked him about some opinion (based on feelings) or feelings about some situation (opinion about euthanasia and similarly topics). He always reacted by explanation how it´s economicaly benefiting or some really concrete, practical answers but he never talked about his feelings.

The issues in communication grown repeatedly. We had many fights because I felt frustrated. I saw he liked me but I missed the words, when we had fight he just denied my existence (from 3 days till 5 days) but he never told me what made him angry, what I did wrong, what I can change. He even denied that he is angry. He just said I was busy in work (so I blocked all of the communication canals = WTF). Never hint of selfreflection or respectful behaviour.

After we got in really hard situation we had some accident and I got pregnant. There is necessary to say that he already had one child with some girl, but because it happened when he was really young and he wasn´t able to solve the situation the lady decided stay single with child rather than be with him. I thought what I can do and after one talk with him I decided for interruption. (He repeated that he doesn´t feel ready; he can´t react because it´s to similarly to previous situation and I lived in other country). If I have a child I would probably stay alone in his country without support ( in case it doesn´t work out between us). I have a succesful company in my country.

He supported my decision. I told him this time that sometimes can be hard to stay in relationship after similarly big decision. He denied. After I did it. After 3 weeks we continued more and less in normal way but he didn´t support me at all. I had strong depression and moral hangover, I couldn´t sleep and got strong overreaction for situation.

After those 3 weeks we had a small fight. After he blocked me for 2-3 weeks. After those 3 weeks he unblocked me and he explained me it has a connection to he found out why I´m with him. Because of money (that was biggest stupidity I heard). We had a deal about money and he never paid for me even Euro, so...and that he had to punish me for my willing money behaviour. But he as well talked about some strong sings of depression (not possibility of sleeping, tingling and numbness in the hands, constant feelings of tiredness, even blocking tear ducts).

after he admit that what he said is not true. He admit I´m not willing after money. I asked him if he wanna split up. He denied and just talk about that I´m too hysterical than I do demand support from his side.

After he again blocked all communication cannals for 2 weeks. After he unblocked me he pretend that never happened, but I need it talk about what happened. I need an explanation, so I still coming back to previous topic. After 3 days happened again same thing and same empty incrimination about money.

I had crazy depression in this time because of wrong decission with interruption, and lack of support from his side. We had similarly circle 2 other times and after I used same tactic like he did. I blocked him and from this time he is blocked (3-4 months).

I´m really sad about what happened because even what happened I don´t think so he is cruel or bad character but I can´t live in that kind of life.