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new
03.06.2017 by thumper

I didn't even know this was a thing. I have a very hard time talking about my emotions. I'm adopted and son I really don't know much about my family history. I do know my birth mother and her two sons that she had after me. My parents that adopted me were loving but when it came to emotions I was basically told to be quiet or that I was being a drama queen or I was being sensitive. Those things hurt. As a parent now I feel like if my kids come up to me upset I don't want to make them feel like I don't care. What may seem like a small insignificant thing to me may be a big deal to them because that's where they are at in their lives. My parents when I was a teen always seemed to want to treat me like I was an adult. Obviously I know now that the boy I was "in love" with at 16 wasn't forever it still hurt at the time. Because of all of this and after being with my now ex husband for six years I have really hid my feelings and emotions. I don't want to talk about them. I Sulzberger just talk about the weather or what I ate for lunch. My poor boyfriend has helped me a lot but I feel so sorry for him because I feel like I don't know how to talk to him about my feelings. I've even told him I don't know how and so I use sex to show him rather than tell him. That's bad! What if for some reason we couldn't ever have sex?I don't know how to even open myself up enough to say what I'm feeling. I can never find the right words and if I do say something it sounds all stupid and I get so embarrassed.

A question
14.06.2017 by SectionEight

Welcome Thumper.

I'm curious do you feel like you have emotions but have trouble expressing them, or do you not experience emotions which is why you can't talk about them.

I was raised by a solo alcoholic father, who had parents that didn't discuss or express their feelings. For a number of years we lived with my grandparents but I can't remember them ever saying “I love you” or ever getting a hug from them (possibly a good thing as my granddad molested some of the children and grandchildren). My father was the same unless he was drunk, then he would say I love you and want a hug, but other than that I never even got "I'm proud of you" or "Well done".

Even without this upbringing I suspect I was destined to be special, but it's a case of my environment reinforcing my bad genetics.

For me I’m not consciously aware of my emotions. Most of the time I’m like a still placid lake. Otherwise it’s weird bodily experiences that I have to try and discern what they mean, for example am I feeling sick, or am I anxious and stressed out.

I'm now a married man with two teenage children. When they were younger I always made sure to tell them I love them and be affectionate towards them. Now that they’re teenager they has disappeared. Partially because I feel awkward and partially because they don’t want terms of endearment or hugs at the moment.

With my wife I find it a challenge to express emotions because on the surface I don’t feel anything. I instead try and show I care by doing things for her. Not romantic things (because I find being intimate icky). Such as pouring her wine, getting her things from the supermarket late at night if she wants them, asking her how her day is and seeing if she is ok when she is sick.

She still gets mad at me and doesn’t fully understand my specialness, but it’s the best I can do with the conditions I have.